Grazhir :: Harry Potter :: Oneshots Collection :: 03 :: Dangly Bits

03 • Dangly Bits

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Rating: Hard R/NC-17
Warnings: Slash, crack, massive OOCness
Pairings: Harry/Remus/Sirius

Summary: Not a fractured fairy tale, but does feature Tidbit, who has a request.

Notes: For some bizarre reason, I’ve become way too fond of Tidbit.

Remus watched his beloved little tidbit with fond amusement. Harry stood facing away from a mirror, looking over his shoulder and twisting this way and that in an attempt to see his brand better. Several minutes later Harry dropped his skirt and looked at him with an expression that usually didn’t bode well.

And then he said, “I want more dangly bits.”

Remus was given to blinking repeatedly, but managed to say, “I’m . . . sorry?”

“I want more dangly bits,” Harry repeated.

“Tidbit, you’re not a snake. You don’t need any, er, extras.”

Harry dashed over to the bed and flopped down, then proceeded to indulge in a massive giggling fit. Eventually he rolled onto his back and said, “No! That’s not what I meant!”

Remus took a seat on the edge and began stroking Harry’s thigh. “Then what do you mean?”

“Just what I said.” Harry spread his legs apart and flipped his skirt up, then reached down to slide a hand under his scrotum and lift things out of the way. “Here,” he said, and tapped with a finger.

Remus re-situated himself and licked that exact spot, then lifted his head. “Here?”

“Uh huh. Right there.”

Remus licked him again and said, “Dangly bits, Harry?”

“Mmm. I want you to pierce me, Remus. Right there. And then I can attach a chain that has bells or crystals at the end.”

“I see,” he said, then licked again, this time letting his tongue trail up over Harry’s fingers to tease at his scrotum. “You want me to poke holes in your flesh and put in a ring?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Harry paused briefly, probably because Remus had begun nibbling his inner thigh, then said, “Yeah, a ring. And when I skipped around I’d have something else to show off. Or when one of you took me from behind.”

“And would this ring be permanent, tidbit?”

Harry moaned softly and nodded. “Like . . . that mark.”

Remus pulled back a bit, causing his beloved to frown. “I hope you don’t have the notion in that head of yours that we should all get one of these, too?”

Harry giggled and shook his head.

Remus leaned back in to swipe his tongue along the length of Harry’s rapidly hardening cock. “It might be dangerous,” he murmured. “A chain dangling down might get caught on something as you skipped about and tear your skin, tidbit.”

“You promised to make it up to me,” Harry said a bit sulkily.

Remus nudged Harry’s hand out of the way and engulfed his cock, sucking on it for several minutes before pulling away to say, “Yes, I did. But would you have even thought of this if I hadn’t given you that mark?”

“I don’t know,” Harry mumbled.

“Mmmhmm. I think we should wait for Siri to come home and see what he thinks about this.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes, we do,” he said and sat up properly.

Harry pouted at him and said, “You know he’ll say yes.”

Remus snorted and shook his head. “Of course he’ll say yes. He’ll take one look at your expression and cave. And that, my dearest tidbit, is why I’m the brains around here. I, at least, can still think clearly when you do that.”

“I’ll let you spank me even though I’ve not been naughty,” Harry offered hopefully.

He snorted again. “You already are being naughty, though that’s beside the point, as we all know you enjoy being spanked.”

“I am not,” Harry protested indignantly. “And I don’t!”

“You’re being difficult and trying to wheedle what you want out of me. That counts as being naughty.”

Harry nibbled his lower lip and absently began stroking his own cock. Remus quickly stopped that and leaned in to resume fellating his tidbit. He was pleased when Harry failed to speak again and instead started moaning, so Remus slid two fingers into the youth’s anus and began to thrust with them as he continued to suck his beloved off.

Harry was shortly enough overcome by orgasm, Remus milking him dry and greedily swallowing everything his tidbit had to offer. He was just sitting up and licking his lips when Sirius arrived.

“Aw, you know I hate it when you start without me,” Sirius whined.

“Chin up, love. He’s being difficult, so you can spank him if you like.”

A Harry that had seemed halfway to sleep suddenly shrieked and scrambled off the bed to make a break for the front door. Sirius caught him as he raced by and lifted him off the floor. “Now where do you think you’re going, hm?”

And Harry, as he always did, protested. “I’ve been good! Remus is being unreasonable!”

Sirius set Harry down, but kept an arm around him tightly, then administered a sharp slap to Harry’s ass. A second later he studiously averted his gaze as Harry pouted, and slapped him again. “You never act like this when you’re innocent, so I must assume you’ve been bad. Now where did we put. . . .?”

Remus chuckled and slid down the bed, then opened the bedside table’s drawer and retrieved a paddle. Sirius brightened and hauled their tidbit to the bed, sat down, and pulled Harry over his lap. A second later Harry’s skirt was flipped up and the paddling had commenced.

Shortly thereafter found Remus amused, Sirius slightly out of breath, and Harry tearfully glaring at them, though he did absolutely nothing to hide the fact that his penis was hard again. “Meanies.”

“Now,” Sirius said as Remus put the paddle away, “what caused our tidbit to be difficult?”

“Tidbit wants more dangly bits,” Remus explained.

“O . . . kay?”

Harry reached over and smacked Remus on the arm. “You’re just confusing him!” he accused.

“Like you confused me?” Remus asked dryly, then explained for real. “I told him that decision would have to wait until you came home. He didn’t like that and tried to tempt me to change my mind.”

“Tidbit!” Sirius scolded. “You definitely deserved that spanking, you little minx.”

Harry glared harder and crossed his arms over his chest. Then he abruptly scrambled over to straddle Sirius’s legs and said, “Please, Siri?”

Sirius shot a sidelong look at Remus, then said, “And what if I’d prefer to pierce something else, huh?” He twisted one of Harry’s nipples roughly through the thin shirt covering them.

“Well. . . .” Harry’s mouth curved in an unmistakably wicked smile. “I’ll let you pierce one if you let me give your ass a brand like mine.”

Remus laughed as Sirius hastily said, “Ah, I suppose it’s not that important where.”

Harry leaned forward to kiss Sirius and shifted his hips, then whispered, “Wouldn’t it be cute, Siri? Every time I skipped around you could hear the bells chime? And the chain could be just long enough for them to peek out under the hem of the skirt.” He gave Sirius another kiss and pressed closer. “And just imagine, when you made l—”

Remus reached over and clapped a hand over Harry’s mouth, using the other to wrench Sirius’s head around by the chin. “I perceive possible danger with this little request,” he said, then yelped and snatched his hand away when Harry bit him.

“Unless you’re angling for another spanking, tidbit, I suggest you behave,” he said sternly.

Harry shrieked and was immediately wrapped tightly in Sirius’s arms to prevent escape. “Danger?” Sirius asked.

Remus explained about that, then waited to see what his lover would say.

“Well, then he just couldn’t wear the chain all the time, right?”

“Okay, so what do you think? Should we let him?”

“So long as he follows any rules you think are proper, I suppose so,” said Sirius, absently loosening his hold and reaching down to stroke Harry’s ass.

Remus eyed their beloved third, then nodded. “All right.”

Harry squealed and kissed Sirius while wriggling in excitement. “Will you ravish me now?” he asked hopefully, angling his hips suggestively.


Harry blinked. “No? Why not?”

Sirius shook his head. “Knowing you, you have everything all set just in case we’d said yes. So no, I won’t ravish you right now. First we’re going to take care of this little piercing.”

“Oh.” Harry gnawed on his lower lip a bit guiltily.

“Go fetch things,” Remus said, “then come back here and lie down. And remember, tidbit, this constitutes having made it up to you, okay?”

Harry nodded and slipped off Sirius’s lap, and was back in a flash with a handful of items. After handing them to Remus he got on the bed and flopped onto his back, then drew his legs apart and up.

“Siri, shove a few pillows under his ass, will you? Then fetch a healing potion.” To Harry he said, “You do realize this is going to hurt.”

Their tidbit arched his ass off the bed and nodded. “I know.”

A short time later a curved needle had made the necessary holes and a gold ring was threaded through, then sealed off; a few drops of potion took care of the rest. Remus then attached the chain Harry had given him, one that sported a trio of miniature bells.

He set everything aside and nodded. “All done.”

“Will you ravish me now?”

Before Remus could respond Sirius said, “No.”


Sirius grinned and pulled their beloved third up into a hug. “Of course not. You bit Remus, so you earned another spanking.” Harry barely got a shriek out when his mouth was covered, so Sirius was able to continue, “And besides, I want to see how loud those bells are before one of us takes you.”

More than five but less than ten minutes later, Harry was once again tearfully glaring at them. And incredibly aroused.

“Now I’ll ravish you,” Sirius said, then lunged.