Grazhir :: Harry Potter :: Induction :: 21 :: Obsession

21 • Obsession

It was the last full week of May and Harry and Severus were sitting in his quarters that Sunday talking. The upcoming exams loomed, and it was only natural that the conversation turned, with Severus bringing up the subject with his charge.

“I trust with not only your Potions NEWT up next week, and your Mastery exam a fortnight later, that you have been revising adequately?”

Harry nodded and outlined what he’d been doing to prepare, getting the occasional nod from Severus of approval.

“So,” Severus said softly. “So, it soon ends. Voldemort is gone, his minions are incarcerated, and you . . . you will also be free.”

Harry wrinkled his brow at the look on his mentor’s face. It was at once distant and pained, and somehow, frightening.

“Yes,” said Severus, so softly that Harry had to strain to hear him. “So soon, and when that happens, it will all be gone. All for nothing.”

Harry said, “Sir?”

Severus didn’t seem to hear him and said, “I won’t have succeeded, will I. All this time. And how is it that you look so much like that time, those years, come back to haunt me.” Severus’s brows rose and his eyes widened. “And what to do now. Hm?”

Harry was becoming distinctly nervous, and beginning to wonder if during his removal of the Dark Mark he had somehow damaged his mentor in some obscure, unseen way.

“Yes. . . .” And then, without warning, the faraway quality in Severus’s eyes disappeared, replaced with a sharply focused gaze directed at Harry himself. Before he could react, Harry heard Severus say, “Haze, go under.”

After a moment, Severus said, “Haze, open your eyes. That’s right, good boy. Haze, you like to please me, don’t you.”

“Yes,” slipped out of his mouth easily. That detached, aware corner of his mind made a distinction though. Harry didn’t please Severus because he demanded it, or at least not any longer. He did it because he wanted to.

“And you feel pleasure when you do please me, don’t you, Haze?” Severus’s voice was a silky purr, and a slight smirk graced his mouth.

“Yes.”

“That’s right, you do. Haze, I want you to stand up and strip.”

The detached corner, not seeing any harm for the moment, didn’t object. Harry rose and removed his clothing, then stood there waiting.

“Such a pretty boy, and so obedient. You like being obedient to me, don’t you, Haze.”

“Yes.”

“Then you’ll like what I have in mind. It would please me, Haze, if you were to sit back down. That’s right. Now spread your legs for me, that’s a good boy. Now, Haze, I want you to stroke yourself for me, nice and slow, while we talk.” Severus smirked again and purred, “Very nice.

“You know, you look so very much like your father. He was pleasing to look at too. I like that you look so much like him, Haze. It means that I can finally obtain what I’ve wanted all these years. Doesn’t that make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“No need to speak, Haze. Just nod or shake your head unless you must use words. That’s a good boy. Yes, you look incredibly like him, and you see, I could never have him. But I can have you. It would please me, so I know the idea makes you very happy, isn’t that right.”

The corner was starting to have its misgivings about what was happening, but remained firm for the time being in its neutral stance, despite the increasingly ugly expression that was forming on Severus’s face.

“You told me once that that it was just me you liked, isn’t that right? Of course it is, because I am the only man that you’ll ever like, don’t you agree? Mmmm. Haze, you should know that from now on it’s impossible for you to cum without my permission. You’d like that wouldn’t you. Haze, repeat after me. I will no longer be able to obtain orgasm unless Professor Snape gives me permission.”

The corner knew that the directive could be removed later and remained quiet.

“Very good. Stroke yourself a little harder, Haze, that’s right. And I think . . . yes. Haze, repeat after me. Professor Snape is the only person I will ever feel lust for. That’s right. And it’s so pleasurable for you to agree to these things, isn’t it, because it means you’re pleasing me. Isn’t that right, Haze.”

Again, the corner knew the directive could be removed and Severus would never know the difference. But the once pleased smirk gracing his face had become an ugly sneer, and his eyes were bright with something other than mere joy. Then Severus’s expression cleared, and the corner felt a moment of relief.

“You like stroking yourself, don’t you, Haze. Of course you do. You look so nice and hard. You want to speed up and eventually cum, don’t you. But you can’t, not yet. I also think you like it when you go down on me, isn’t that right? You like the feeling of me filling your mouth, stroking in and out so that sometimes you find it hard to breathe. But it pleases me, so it pleases you to do it. I think you would do it any time I asked, wouldn’t you.

“I also think you like it when I fuck you. I see how you writhe on the bed and moan my name, how your face gets all flushed and you can’t keep your eyes open. You’re so desperate to arch up against me and take me deeper. You’re like a little whore under me, performing for her trick, making sure I enjoy the experience as much as humanly possible. Isn’t that right?

“I think you like it when I shove my cock so deep into you, threatening to split you apart, and you don’t even care if it hurts, do you. You just want it, because I want it. Isn’t that right, Haze? I think the pleasure you want, that you get from pleasing me is like a drug, an addiction. Every time you please me and get that rush, you want to do it again, and again, until you can’t think straight anymore and you’d do anything, anything at all to make me happy.” Severus’s voice had been rising steadily, and became even louder. “Isn’t that right, Haze?” he practically shouted. After a pause, his voice dropped again.

“Yes, I think that’s exactly how it is. See, you want to make up for what your father did to me, don’t you. And you want it so bad you’ll hang on my every word and fulfill my every need and desire. You’ll do that for me, won’t you. And you’ll enjoy it. You’ll take his place, and pay his price, that’s right. In fact, after your exams, you could just disappear off the face of the earth with no one able to find you.”

The corner was getting confused about what to do. Part of it wanted to call a halt to this grotesque soliloquy right that second, and part wanted very much to know just exactly how this would end. As Harry’s mind wrestled with the decision, Severus kept right on talking to his subconscious.

“Except me, that is. Because, you’d be right here with me, Haze, living in my quarters, ready at a moment’s notice to make me happy. That’s what you’d live for, isn’t that right. And I think you secretly love being dominated by me, giving up your control and handing it to me on a silver platter. Don’t you think it would be amusing? You could be my little toy, my little pet. I could even keep you under my desk in the classroom during tests so you could suck me off, and nobody would ever have to know. You would only exist in my eyes, in my rooms, in my life. And there would be no one else for you, but me. Tell me you’d like that, Haze.

“Yes.”

“Oh, sweet Haze. Give me a little time and that’s exactly what will happen. You’ll become my little whore, and the only thing you’ll ever think about again is pleasing me.” Severus’s eyes had a fanatical glow about them. “You won’t even take a piss unless I tell you it’s all right first,” he said savagely. Then, an idea seemed to take hold of him, and Severus relaxed again, an oddly sweet smile curving his lips.

“I know,” he said brightly, which scared the detached corner of Harry’s mind more than anything else had so far. “I have just the thing. I know how badly you want to please me, so I’m going to let you try. And if you do very well, Haze, I may even let you cum. Doesn’t that sound good? That’s right. You’re going to beg, Haze. You’re going to beg with every fiber of your being for me to fuck you. And if you please me, I will fuck you so hard you can’t sit down without pain for a week,” he said, finishing with a growl.

“So, go ahead,” he said lightly. “Be a good little pet and beg. Now, Haze,” he commanded.

Harry tipped forward off the chair, still stroking himself, and crawled awkwardly toward his mentor, the beginnings of soft words slipping from his parted lips. He pleaded and cajoled, coaxed and rubbed himself up against Severus’s leg. During the next several minutes, the corner wondered if it was doing the right thing, letting this go on, not paying attention to what was spilling out to Severus in words. When Harry knelt down with his back to Severus and plastered his face to floor, then began to move his backside in lewd and obscene ways, it wondered where on Earth it had ever learned how to perform in such a debased and degrading manner.

Severus had begun slapping his ass sharply, telling him that he liked it, and moving his hands roughly over the reddening skin. Harry’s pleas had become mixed with moans as he continued through everything to stroke himself, aching for release, and then it slipped out in the midst of his babbling, “I’ll do anything, anything you want. You can brand me and put me in chains and make me call you master. Anything that pleases you, just please, please fuck me.”

Severus suddenly went stiff and said a moment later, quite clearly, “Stop.”

Harry froze in place, a vast sense of relief sweeping over his body, emanating from that corner in his mind. Maybe it hadn’t been wrong. Severus left his hands exactly where they had been, and nothing was said for several minutes. The only sound to be heard for Harry was his own breathing and the pounding of heart.

Then, Severus removed his hands and spoke. “Harry, take your hand off yourself, then stand up.”

Harry did ask he asked and waited, still facing away.

“Please go sit in that chair. Now, Harry, I give you permission to cum.”

And he did, so hard that his vision went white from the intensity. When all of him, including that corner of his mind, was out of the subsequent daze and breathing normally, Severus spoke again.

“Harry, I would like you to please go into the bathroom and clean yourself up, and when you are done you will dry off, return here and get dressed, then sit back down in that chair.” His voice was flat and lifeless, and his eyes were wide and staring.

Harry did as he requested, arriving back in the room some minutes later, then finishing the list. When he was seated, there was silence for a time. But eventually, Severus began to speak in a distant, detached voice, and his eyes had a faraway quality that bespoke remembrance.

“Harry, I know that you won’t remember any of this, and I’m grateful for that. I almost made a huge mistake. You’d know that if you could. It’s better that you don’t. I think I may as well tell you, so you can understand what just happened. I know, you won’t remember, but I think I’d feel better if I did.

“You see, all those years ago in school, your father and I didn’t start out as enemies. I think it would be safer to say that I was just another Slytherin and he was just another Gryffindor. We didn’t go out of our ways to run across each other, but neither did we avoid it. We were just two students in a huge school, that’s all.”

“I was a quiet boy. Studious and even a bit withdrawn, but I hadn’t let the house rivalry affect me. Oh, there were always students who acted based on which house you were in, but that wasn’t a factor between me and your father. I guess I’m not really getting to the point, am I?

“Every so often when we did cross paths, we would talk, or even sometimes lend a helping hand. I’d like to think that while we weren’t friends exactly, we weren’t enemies. More like cautiously hopeful acquaintances. And over time we crossed paths more frequently and spent more time in each other’s company.”

Harry, who had been caught up in the recitation, realized that there were silent tears streaking down Severus’s cheeks unheeded.

“There came a point where I began to like James a great deal. I became infatuated with him, and thought often of what time we spent together, wishing it could be more. I even convinced myself he was beginning to feel the same way. He was always happy, always ready for a laugh. I thought he felt the same. I had got very close to him, and he hadn’t moved away. I tried to kiss him, and that’s when it all went wrong.

“It was like I had tried to slap him. I honestly can’t say if he was just surprised, or if he was genuinely upset, even disgusted. Your father became quite vocal, started berating me, and saying things I couldn’t stand to hear. I felt like my heart had been crushed, like there was a gaping wound in my chest I could never repair. To this day I don’t know if he rejected me simply because I was another boy. Both of us handled it badly, Harry.

“I was so hurt, so humiliated, that I lashed out myself. I obliviated him, Harry. I didn’t know what else to do. I wasn’t good with words, and I was so afraid that by the next morning, the entire school would know what had happened. I couldn’t bear it. I’m not even sure I cast the spell entirely correctly.”

Harry noted that Severus’s face had become blotchy and his nose was red. The odd tear continued to slip down his cheeks and he made no move to wipe any away.

“I obliviated him and fled, back to the dorms. After that, I couldn’t stand to be around him, remembering what he’d said, knowing how he’d hurt me. He took it badly and things went downhill. We started avoiding each other, and eventually it escalated into verbal abuse in the halls with the help of his Gryffindor friends, or pranks that left me seething in anger. As I said, neither of us handled things well, Harry.

“And honestly, I wonder sometimes if the reason he saved me that night was because some small part of him remembered that we had once got along. Or maybe it really was that he would have done the same for anyone. Maybe he didn’t want Remus to be blamed for my death and possibly locked away or executed as a dangerous creature. I just don’t know. But I’ve never been able to let it go.

“I was all right when I heard James married Lily. She was, despite my own actions toward her, a very nice girl. I was all right when you were born, Harry. I thought I had pushed everything so far down that it no longer mattered. But then, you came to Hogwarts. And you looked so very like James that all of it came back. One look at you and that anger, that hurt and humiliation, transferred to you, an innocent child.

“All the things I’d learned to hate about James, I ascribed to you. But I had a life debt, and I honored it. I saved you more than once, because I had to, because I needed to. But I hated you with a passion. It was so easy to do, Harry. And I was the one in a position of power, and you couldn’t stop me. But still, aside from having to actually deal with you on occasion, I was all right. You would make it through your years here and leave, and that would be the end of it.

“But then Albus insisted I teach you Occlumency. I looked for a reason, any excuse, to deny you those lessons. I used every weapon I had, every word, every memory, the things I knew would hurt you the most. And then you solved my problem for me. You looked in my pensieve, and that was all I needed to shove you back out of my life. I thought, there we go. I’ll be fine.

“Then Albus came again, insisted I teach you, for I was the only one capable of it. And still you resisted me. You were stubborn and willful. And I admit, that was a problem of my own making. I cannot blame you for that, Harry. Desperate, I looked outside the wizarding world for a solution, and I found one. Hypnosis. With it, I could get you to learn, and learn well, and get you back out of my life again. If you were taught, I could avoid you.

“But then, the idea came. It was sweet, Harry, that feeling I got. I realized I could get my revenge through you. And that’s exactly what I started to do. Right up until just a short while ago. I don’t know if I can explain it properly. You . . . got under my skin, made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to see or acknowledge the things that had been hinted at or even displayed openly. I didn’t want to hear that you were nothing like your father. You had to be him.

“But somehow you changed things. I don’t know how exactly. Maybe it was the day you told me you trusted me, and proved it. Maybe it was how sweetly innocent you were despite everything. Somewhere along the way, a part of me began to care about you, and it became harder to push away the unpleasant things, like your situation with the Dursleys.”

The tears were slipping down his face more quickly, but Severus continued to ignore them as though they did not exist. His expression was twisted as though in pain, or reliving the internal struggle he’d been waging. “You’ve made me so proud of you, Harry. You took what I gave you and built on that and achieved so much more than I had dreamed of. And you actually cared about me. You saw things others never bothered to look for. You came to me willingly, trustingly, and gave yourself to me.

“And look what I did. I force you to the point of mindless begging, pleading with me to treat you the same way Voldemort might have treated me. Clap you in irons, brand you with my own special mark, and control you like dog or a house-elf.” Severus finally focused on Harry, his eyes wet and shining. Severus slipped out of his chair and came to kneel before Harry, placing his hands on each of his knees.

“Harry, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I was so afraid of losing the one person who seemed to actually like me that I couldn’t bear it. I should have known, should have remembered. It was your choice all along, not mine, and you had chosen me. I wish you could forgive me, Harry, but I’m not sure I can forgive myself. But I’m going to do everything I can to make it all right. Please believe me, Harry. I’m going to do whatever I can to try to fix things, even though I know for you, this never happened. I know you aren’t James. You never were, and I can’t pretend otherwise any longer.”

Severus fell silent, staring downward, for several minutes. When he looked up his face was full of quiet resolve. “Harry, I would like you to stay here while I go clean up. I’ll only be a few minutes, I promise, and then I’ll come back and try to fix this. Would you be willing to wait for me?”

Harry nodded, though not as enthusiastically as the corner of his mind did.

“Thank you, Harry. I’ll be right back.” Severus rose and disappeared into the bedroom, and presumably the bathroom. Harry sat in silence and waited, not particularly concerned about the passage of time. When Severus did return, he knelt again, then began the painstaking process of modifying or removing every directive he’d given Harry to remember. He left the useful ones, such as the directive to visualize his defenses every night before he slept. He modified the directive that dealt with his nickname, changing it so that Harry would only not be unaccustomed to Severus using it.

The directive he had included intended to seal Harry’s mind away from anyone but himself and Harry was likewise modified, removing himself from it, and leaving Harry sole keeper of the ability to induce a hypnotic trance. The corner was nodding away happily, even though it wasn’t particularly concerned with what Severus was changing. The fact that he was doing it at all meant good things. Severus didn’t need to know that half of what he was doing was redundant, as Harry had already taken care of things on his own.

Naturally, Severus left in place the directive to not remember. The only trigger he left in place was the one to wake Harry up. He also very firmly instructed Harry to wipe from his mind all the suggestions he had made just that day in his obsessive state. Then, when he was finally satisfied with everything that he had done, Severus moved back to his chair and said, “I am sorry, Harry.” A moment later he said, “Haze, wake up.”

Harry blinked and shook his head slightly, then looked at Severus. “Did I doze off or something? Maybe I did. Your voice was so soft when you were speaking just now.”

Severus, who had been sitting rather stiffly, relaxed and let the corner of his mouth quirk. “Are you trying to imply I am so boring as to surpass Binns?”

“I would never do that,” Harry said with a straight face, trying to ignore the part of himself that was dancing around in happy circles.

“For your information, we were discussing your upcoming exams.” Though he looked not much different than he had, Harry thought he detected a certain sense of relief in Severus, the lifting of a burden.

“Oh, right. I’m not all that worried. I have a pretty good memory, after all.”

*

Wednesday rolled around and Harry sat his Potions NEWT. The answers seemed to fly from his mind to the paper and he had no trouble remembering anything, nor in creating the potions necessary for the laboratory portion of the exam. He left with a sense of quiet pride and immediately dashed off to tell Remus how he thought he’d done.

Two weeks later he sat his Mastery exam, walking away from it quite sure that he had done everything perfectly. He returned to the castle and sought out Severus, cajoling him into having dinner in his rooms for once, and to hell with Albus.

“You know, you are free now, in all senses of the word,” said Severus, looking faintly sad.

“Pardon?”

“There’s no more evil wizard lurking around the corner, nor his foul minions. You’ve taken all your exams, Haze. You can do anything you want now. I should think the worst you’ll have to face is adoring fans.”

“What if I don’t want to go anywhere?”

“But you should. There’s so much out there to see. You’ve been insulated here, as a student, and for being who you are. Life isn’t all about Potions or classes or even learning how to defend yourself against the man who persists in trying to kill you.”

“And if I were to go out and explore, would you be here when I returned?”

“I would,” Severus agreed.

Harry reflected for a moment, over the past fortnight. Since the macabre experience he had gone through, he felt slightly cautious, even though Severus had done all that was necessary to fix his mistakes. Severus had also given him space without saying a word about it. He never mentioned that Harry had stopped being as affectionate with him, or that they had not gone to bed together either.

It wasn’t that Harry was afraid. He just had wanted time to think, and to see what Severus would actually do after his quiet, though sincere request for him to consider forgiveness. If Severus was suggesting now that Harry walk his own path for a while, then perhaps that would be wise thing to do. And Severus would be there when he returned. Harry smiled and looked up.

“Severus?”

“Yes, Harry?”

“Will you come with me, into the bedroom?”

Severus arched a brow, then nodded. Harry could see the change in his eyes and expression, and stood, leading the way. That day, their coupling was sweet and unhurried, and Harry finally learned what it was like not only to feel Severus’s mouth on him, but to sink himself deep within the body of his lover.

Two days later, the term ended. Harry had no home to go to, but he rode down to the train station with his friends to see them off. When he returned to the castle, he packed up his things and shrunk them, then said good-bye to the staff members and to Remus. He saw Severus one more time, then left without a backward glance.